The History of The Ding Dong Lounge
1660: First cuckoo clock invented by Shlongrich von Ding Dong, Copenhagen, Denmark.
1790: Steve Naidich’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother invents the thong. Burned at stake. Odessa, Russia.
Nov. 1999: Last decent punk rock bar on Lower East Side goes totally yuppie.
Sept. 2000: Homicidal Morningside Heights slumlord informs KKK-baiting downtown comedian Steve Naidich that former video store (read “crack house”) is available immediately for “business opportunity”. Naidich immediately phones retired clothing magnate & notorious whoremonger Bill Nolan. Nolan, upon hearing Naidich’s proposition, tells Naidich to go fuck himself.
Oct. 2000: Local police precinct informs Naidich & Nolan that neighborhood is utterly resistant to gentrification. Delighted, they sign lease.